Mar 13

How to diagnose and replace a defective battery storage in a 2005 VW Beetle TDI

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Stages of repair

1. Put the gearbox in the park or in first gear.

2. Wheel chocks behind the rear wheels of the vehicle.

3. Pull the lever in the cockpit hood of the vehicle.

4. Pull the cable out of the hood and lift the lid.

5. Insert a Memory Keeper (device that keeps your computer's settings) into the accessory power outlet in the cabin.

6. Press the tab on the top cover and the batteryremove.

7. Press the lid on the Backup tab, and lift the lid, so that the backups are accessible.

8. With a 1/4-inch drive 10mm socket wrench and a 1/4-inch square drive, remove the cable plus (red) on the fuse box.

9. With a 1/4-inch drive 10mm socket wrench and a 1/4-inch square drive, remove the bracket fixing the negative cable instead of negative.

10. With more than hand tools to remove clamps wired POSITIVEPOSITIVE post.

11. Loosen the clamp on the battery cover. With a flat screwdriver, loosen the latches that secure the lid of the tray.

12. Remove the cover and set aside.

13. Remove with a disc 13 millimeters socket 3/8-inch and 3/8-inch drive ratchet and 3/8-inch extension of 18 inches, the battery hold-down bolts and the bracket.

14. Remove with a belt of vehicle and on the work table for the test.

15. Before testing, theThe levels of electrolytes in all cells (6) are examined.

16. Remove the cap from their cells.

17. Use a hydrometer (available at auto parts stores) to one (1) or six (6) cells.

18. The reading of the hydrometer scale should be about 1 270. This reading indicates a full charge. A reading below indicates charge before testing.

19. Fill the cells, which are low with a filling of liquids, but only with distilled water.

20. PlaceDesk charger and the cable position.

21. Insert the red wire to the positive contribution.

22. Insert the charger black wire instead of negative.

23. Set the mode dial is set on the 2-stage amp

24. Charge the battery for seventy-two (72) hours. to carry a full charge.

25.Using a digital multimeter (DMM) (available at auto parts stores), put the selector control VOLT.

26. Put the redProof of DMM in the socket red

27. Insert the black wire of the DMM test the socket COM.

28. Plug the other end of the ferrule red instead POSITIVE.

29. Plug the other end of the black test negative for the post.

30. The reading on the display of the DMM must be between 12 50-12,75 volts.

31. This reading would give a full charge ..

32, this test is the point, as evidence of open circuit (OCV) and that alone is known,that it is fully charged.

33. It can only be evaluated for the ability and power with a load tester.

34. A load tester into account the possibility of starting the vehicle, the accessories are operated and maintained, that burden does not go for 15 seconds with a voltage of less than 9 6 volts.

35. A battery can load this tension is broken.

36. The loading test showed that it is defective.

37. Vor der Installation einer Ersatz, und die SpezifikationenSize must be the same as the original are replaced, that is to say, and the average current rating CCA.

38. Clean the positive and negative contributions ..

39. Clean the cable of the negative and positive, with a wire brush before installing the replacement.

40. Stubborn dirt and corrosion should be cleaned with baking soda and water.

41. Replace the battery tray in place of the vehicle.

42. Install the hold-down screws and bracket, cover, fuseBox and the screw cap in reverse order from which they were removed.

43. Remove the memory card from the holder accessory socket.

44. Remove the brake pads from the rear.

45. Try the bug for proper operation.

Project Suggestions

* A Memory Keeper is an electronic device that is managed by a nine (9) times. When plugged accessories, located in the cabin, the settings in the ROM of the computernot lost. Without the help of the memory keeper, the vehicle must be driven to relearn many miles for the computer, the settings programmed.

* A digital multi-meter (DMM) is an electronic measuring instrument that is used by technicians and do-it-yourself electrical fault in a circuit of the vehicle.

* To avoid charger, a battery maintainer should be used to continue to pay, if a service vehicle or left, whenStorage.

Warning

When working around a battery, safety glasses should be worn around the eyes and Gas elecrolyte protect.

Tools and equipment

Screwdriver

Battery Maintainer

Battery Charger

Memory Keeper

Wheel chocks

3/8-inch drive socket bit 5 millimeters hex

3/8-inch drive ratchet

1/4-inch drive 10 mm

1/4-inch drive ratchet

3/8-inchDrive 18-inch extension

Digital multimeter (DMM)

Hydrometer

Battery Load Tester

Battery replacement

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Mar 13

The Musicians First Aid Kit

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Gigs is probably one of greater activity can be experienced as a musician. There is always something special to perform before a live audience. The sound of a crowds appreciation when you extract the stage with a great performance of the best songs. There is simply nothing like it. But what happens when things are not exactly as planned? And what happens if they fail miserably? If you have ever gigged I'm sure you are familiar with Murphy's Law: If thingscan go wrong, it's likely. I've had experiences like: amps blowing up, breaking guitar strings, fuses theft in my amp, bad cords, guitar tuning, ect … These things happen all the bands and what makes the difference between a professional and amateur, as it is with these problems. You need to do a little 'pre-planning and musicians with aa first aid kit. If a problem occurs, you are ready to resolve the problem quickly and get on with yourshow.

Guitar / Bass Strings

Obtain at least one set for each additional guitar or bass at the concert. If you see a pop-string that you are ready to replace them. Remember this golden rule for guitars and basses, never on the scene, without a well-designed backup guitar or bass. It is, if you have any problems with the main ax have everything you need to do, remove the fuse and fix the problem to break through to the next.

Cords

Get a complete second strings. This patch includesCables and microphone cable.

Batteries

Go through all devices and write down all the batteries. Get secure backups of everything, and that the backups dont sit and go dead before replacing them. Imagine planning a type of preventive maintenance, so you can keep track of how long the batteries are in use and when they need to be replaced. Do not forget the guitar tuner!

Fuses

Again, go through all your things and take note of all the correctSize of your backup. Getting some kind of small separate window and mark the beginning with the current rating for fuses (1A, 5A, etc. …). Has never placed a backup that has a higher load on your amplifier or transmission. There is a reason for putting the production of this size in your backup system. Never, never head of a fuse with aluminum foil to bypass it! If your fuses keep blowing, you have a short and in this passage, a fuse more or ignore it all together, you can skip completelyis that it costs too much to repair. I would also like to recall that, bypassing the backup, you run the risk of electric shock yourself! To work around Never, under any circumstanceses backups!

Drummers

Get a string parts. If your traps releasing replace just remove the entire battery with a spare and your main pitfall in case of breakage. Bring a lot of additional units. I played with a drummer, when this has not brought enough sticks for a concert one night. Had the second half of the game, ourSet with a screwdriver! Needless to say, that had replaced all his drum heads after this concert! Bring some hardware parts and get another bass drum pedal. Some skin parts are always a good idea, and make sure to bring a set of tools.

Keyboards

What would happen if your boss is gone synth? Maybe you could program the second audio synthesizer similar. I know it's used to be perfect, but it will take you through the site.

Singers

Got a spare –mic? If not, I need a pick-up "Recommendations verse 58 are not very expensive and reliable for a backup big, if not a main microphone.

Horn

Since I currently play the horns, I can not comment too much, but I advise you to consider what could go wrong with your instrument can. What can you do when not at a concert? Once a backup is a good idea.

Amps

If you have an amplifier in your performance and not what can you do? The replacement of smallis a good idea. Guitar players can use a processor like a guitar amplifier backup and can be directly in PA. Once again, I know that sounds perfectly normal, but it will take you through the site. Bass players have it easy when their amps go. Plug directly into the PA. If you play bass, you might want to buy a box designed specifically for that purpose. The same goes for players on the keyboard, it connects directly to the PA with a DI-Box

All bands

They always have a lot of tape! ThisYou can order from some large traffic jams!

I have not covered everything that can go wrong with the wheels on a show, but hopefully also some ideas of things you can do to spark, if your machine is not. Imagine your Musicians First Aid Kit in a sort of toolbox or fishing box. When you are ready, if things go wrong in your own concerts (and I think it will be) is not a big problem. If you're not ready, you think an amateur and you never thought to know that into observe the audience. Good luck and good gigs!

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Mar 12

The 10 most common causes of back pain

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"What is the cause of low back pain and where?" For the most common question that I as a doctor in the last 20 + years. Question is quite simple, the problem is there is no simple answer.

The cause of lower back pain, or LBP can not be limited to one condition. There are several causes of pain in the lower back. Some are simple and self-limited strains back, while other serious diseases, such as herniated disc with neurological damage are neededdirect, special treatment. Here is a brief overview of the 10 most common causes of back and leg pain.

1. Subluxation

Spinal misalignment, or subluxation, occurs when the lower back is chronic stress or posture, it was stated that the outcome hung in the joints between the vertebrae. Following a period of malfunction, tighten the surrounding muscles and nerves are stimulated. Subluxations are bankruptcy essential that physiciansChiropractic treatment. May cause pain or may be asymptomatic for a long time before they deteriorate in degenerative arthritis. Various physical examinations, X-ray and computerized diagnostic equipment is often used to identify subluxations too.

2. Back strain / distortion

Sprains and strains the lower back are more an indication of the muscles (stretching) or bands) (distortion caused by a physical activity or posture imbalance. Light loads are usuallypain and / or stiffness of the muscles of the back. State to strengthen the muscle tensions involved.

Attenuated virus strains may resolve in a few days of rest. Stronger voltage / distortion due to the strenuous activities such as sport, work, gardening, car accidents and thus greater damage linked. If the ligaments have been sprained very painful, usually in combination with the movement of the affected area. Healing times can be much longer in these cases, asa few months. Light pollution can be treated at home, while the more severe strains and distortions must be evaluated specializes in spinal health of a physician. If the inflammation can build enough, the nerves of the lower back to be affected, causing sciatica or leg pain, which can be mistaken for a lesion of the disc. A medical examination is usually sufficient for an accurate diagnosis. X-ray should be performed in cases of trauma.

3. FacetSyndrome

The small joints of the back of the spine, through the movement are called facet joints. By the chronic poor posture, past trauma or strain, facet joints can develop arthritis. The resulting joint inflammation caused a deep pain in my lower back which is aggravated by sitting still, arches his back, and effort. The diagnosis is communicated through a physical examination and radiography.

4. Degenerative disc disease

Thisis a very common cause of pain in the lower back. With repeated bending, twisting, lifting and past trauma such as lifting of accidents or incidents to begin with, discs and pads between the spinal bones lose water and deteriorate. As the disc deteriorates, it shrinks to tensions within the joints of the back and sometimes around the nerves cause back and leg pain. The diagnosis of X-rays and magnetic resonance imaging, if the persistent pain in the leg, although 30 days after treatment.

5.Osteoarthritis

Arthritis is an inflammation of a joint. There are many types of arthritis affecting the spine. By far the most common is osteoarthritis or OA. OA involves the breakdown of articular cartilage of the joint, causing it to lose normal movement. Because cartilage is a thin bone pushes to grow around the area closed in an attempt to merge the municipalities. OA is known as the wear due to arthritis caused long-standing emphasized pastTrauma and repetitive use. Sometimes the genetic weakness of the cartilage causing premature wear. OA is diagnosed by physical examination and confirmed on x-ray.

6. Herniated Disc / convex disk

The cushions between the bones of the spine may be weakened due to injury or due to degenerative disc disease. The hard outer layers can weaken the disc with the outside world sometimes arc closely with the spinal nerves causing leg pain or sciatica. When the outer layersenough to suffer damage to the gel-like substance inside the disc, rather than the nucleus may protrude to the outside and irritate the nerves. A provisional diagnosis can be made by physical examination, but a precise diagnosis regarding the causes of back pain is only available through an MRI or CT.

7. Sciatica

Pain that travels down the buttocks, back and thigh, leg and foot in the sciatic said. E 'named after the great sciatic nerve,coming from branches in the lower back of the lower limbs deliver. Sciatica is classified according to what the leg the pain travels. Sciatica can be caused by many conditions, including subluxation, tight buttock muscles, sprains, herniated discs, bulging or herniated disc, stenosis, or tumors. An accurate diagnosis is of a physical examination and an MRI or CT done of the lumbar spine.

8. Stenosis

The opening main runs along the spine, spinal cordis housed in a central canal or cord. Normally, there is much room for the spinal cord and other structures that fit the opening. Osteoarthritis of the facet joints can cause the joints to enlarge and move actively reduce the size of the channel. Similarly, a number inflated disc can also cause stenosis or narrowing of the space. The pressure on the spinal cord and nerves results in the rear and / or leg pain, often replaced by walking and standing and sitting tight. This is a commonCause of pain in older persons.

9. Cauda equina syndrome

The pressure on the nerves of the lower back and tailbone area leads to a loss of bowel and / or control of the functionality of the bladder. Symptoms may also lead to loss of sensation around the anus. If you experience any of these symptoms, it is imperative that you have been subjected to tests and magnetic resonance imaging in a hospital. These symptoms are beyond the scope of a chiropractor, orthopedist or family doctor. A neurosurgicalThe evaluation is recommended. This condition can be caused by a severe disc herniation, stenosis or a tumor.

10. Tumors

Both benign and malignant tumors take place in the spine and the lower back and leg pain. You can register as back pain or cause pain to radiate to the leg (sciatica) due to its proximity to a nerve. Most tumors can be seen on X-ray and other images such as MRI and CT. The first diagnosis of the complaints mayBack pain, which are not reproduced, physical examination by the doctor as possible. Pain due to mechanical tensions, the problems of the disc, and so on can be mechanically stimulated or provoked. Back pain from an organic disease, such as a tumor is often not to be caused or aggravated by mechanical methods. A history of weight loss, fatigue, anemia, or pain that awakens you at night in conjunction with a normal mental status examination is very suspicious.

As you can see, there are many causes for the lower backPain from a mere threat conditions very serious and fatal diseases. Once the correct diagnosis is made, appropriate treatment of low back pain can be done.

For more detailed information on low back pain treatment visit of Dr Marks on-line.

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Mar 11

Conversion Browns Gas Engine Fuel Saver using water as fuel

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Anyone attempting to so simple and easy way to save fuel. But none of the information you get is hands. That is until now, you can convert your car into a brown gas, save fuel, "using water as fuel. This is very convenient and cost effective system that the water molecules in the so-called Brown's gas, is mixed with gasoline and allows you to burn more efficiently separates.

This is a very simple and easy with electrolysis and water, which is located in asealed container under the hood or the car, which is converted to hydroxy also known as Brown Gas. When you convert your vehicle into gas Brown, you will see and feel the improved performance of your vehicles. Your car will produce cleaner emissions and keep your cooler in the vehicle engine, it will take more time.

You can build your own motor fuel for about $ 100 or less if you can find most of the kit of parts around your home. The essential parts are of iron, plastic sealedContainer, pipe, fuse, some baking soda and tap water. Once you have the instructions, you can easily convert a vehicle into brown gas engine fuel saver, only using water as fuel.

This will not only save you hundreds, if not to make thousands of dollars for fuel, but the money, but to do so. Because the best thing you can replicate this system for a little 'extra money by getting them to all vehicles and your family and friends of the vehicles.

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Mar 11

How to Trace Sewing Patterns

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They are expensive, out of print or vintage models that can not bear to cut? The best way to get the model to trace their analysis model canvas or paper.

Do you have a favorite model that over and over again?

If the pieces are already cut, is a simple way to combine them to retain any part of the model of a light, non-woven connection. To cut a long fuse on the size pattern and place the adhesive side of the falseSide of the model on an ironing board. Set the synthetic iron (no steam) and secure the connection to the model in a smooth, even strokes. Press until the project is well respected are the interfaces and the finishing edge.

If your model is not cut, the analysis or the copy of each piece is a great way to expensive original condition, out of print and especially the vintage models. Drawing a vintage model is particularly satisfying, as you can cut, sew and enjoy yourVintage-style dress, while the model remains fragile pieces of the model intact.Most of large pieces of tissue paper, as the model currently in stores now tissues are printed. Trace the pattern piece is a convenient way to reuse these models, which are usually printed with a number of sizes and designs on each piece. The pursuit of destroying the cut parts, different viewpoints and different sizes from the same model, without the original, and you can always be cutand the same style for someone else.

Some magazines have printed patterns four or five or more models in different colors on one sheet, then you need to trace and use them at all. Other models to examine how the "primitive" forms, and turned around is good if you use the model of a dress, as without changing the original. Control the shape and try to make as many adjustments as possible analysis. For example, most of us make changes to a standardcover, arm length, life size or hip, etc. Instead of just tracing the pattern and then make the changes, watch the original piece, fold or mark the end point, tracing paper and then move up or down the right distance and fill between.

The materials used to trace patterns that are many and varied, from paper to bag usage analysis kits are available from tissue paper kitchen wax, robust easy to see through, and if there was a larger piecerequired, simply blend two pieces with a dry iron to wool. Other tools are needed, an iron, a pen, the French curve and ruler.

Before the persecution of the model, press each pattern piece lightly with a cool, dry iron (no steam – could reduce the pattern to delete) all the wrinkles. Place the template on a surface, hard surfaces, place the pattern on tracing cloth or paper and secure with tape or weights. Using the French curve and ruler to mark the cutting lines and the necessaryMarks, settings, etc., and remember to view each piece with the model number, and, etc., remove the tape, when the label, and cut out the new double pattern continuously. The original model remains intact and unedited.

If you are interested in patterns of their own quality fashion aprons, bags, hats and accessories or clothing for children I hope you will visit my eBay store. Where saving money is good!

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Mar 10

Fitting a HHO cell in a car or truck is easy

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As seen from the position, the installation of a cell, HHO car or truck is really easy. And they are not only easy to configure, is truly a great return for the money will be spent behind the purchase and creation of gadgets. Get a manual for creating the HHO cell started by car or truck e. If you have not already bought one, then here are some basic principles that will help in creating the HHO cell.

What you should do is, from the top of yourElectrolyzer connect the washing machine with hoses in common. However, you should use a washing machine than the HHO cell location, but that is not always necessary, since it can also be lower, is the most convenient. But the reason that there is a higher level of the bottle washing is recommended that if the vapors collected during the current car or truck, then later, when the steam is cooled back into the electrolyzer as a result, will not flowthe system clean often. The flow of condensed water will do the job for you. Also, you can place the washer could be further from the cell you want to HHO car or truck to do. But wherever you personally respect their purifiers always ensure that you measure the distance between the HHO cell and the washing machine before cutting the length. Together with the measurement of these have also measured the distance between the vapor-catcher to the hole in the carburetor, you have done.Sure that this measure on the tube, they took all the curves to include in the measure.

Finally, you need to connect everything to the electrical system and the cell HHO car or truck to work. Connect the positive wire into the cell at the tip and the negative wire on the bottom of the cell. Use a good gauge wire with a fuse of at least 15 amps in the car to leave. First, you connect one part of this wire to the switch of control overthe electronic panel and the other car or truck ignition fuse and return to the control. In the end, but there will certainly be left with a maximum of three negative wires that you need to connect to the ground to the safety of cell contact and your car, so that the excess charge is neutralized by the earth.

Well, I'm sure you understand how easy it is, a cell HHO car or truck and it takes more than twenty minutes. So, if alreadydecided to get a place in the car and exactly where to start and then share the benefits when you're done.

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Mar 10

HHO car systems

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The sale of HHO systems in Florida, Texas and California have just shot through the roof. HHO systems actually appear on top news programs in countries like the United Kingdom, South Africa and the east coast of Africa. As the appeal of bio-fuels in decline because of rising cost of food seems to be much more popular than hydrogen, after several years in the wilderness.

In fact, many Governments are detonating their full support. This year, the United States, forFor example, you can take a tax deduction of about $ 2000 to $ 50,000 claim, according to the weight of the vehicle. An average car gets $ 2000, a truck or bus in the £ 26,000 will be paid $ 5000 and not on weight gain of up to $ 50,000.

The cost of the installation kit's are as follows. $ 60 to $ 100 for an HHO manual. $ 140 for materials. Maybe $ 100 if you need a little help from a mechanic. That makes a total of less than $ 350. So, Keep Holding hands and lentEvidence to the IRS, that you have an HHO kit installed and you have $ 1700 before they have even started saving gas.

Even if it does not work. But it will be. Apparently the gas savings hydroxy gas from 10% to 80%. Scientific studies show an average savings of 28%. Of course, fleet operators have quickly jumped on the train, but do not stop the rest of us to recover $ 2,000 for every vehicle we have.

The main thing is to get the right toInstructions for use. You can buy ready-to-fit kit for more than $ 5,000, but this is not necessary. There are several good guides available that I personally used to convert 24 cars already.

How do HHO system?

There are three components of HHO systems. All materials are easily accessible from the hardware, plumbing and electrical shops. The order e-tailers.

The crucial element is the HHO generator, youtypically consists of PVC-C body. An electrolyzer is inserted. Platinum is preferred, but will do in steel. An electric current is supplied through the water is then added to the body, and H2O, is converted to acetylene. The oxygen-hydrogen element is then released and mixed with oxygen to a fuel that burns to produce up to ten times better than conventional petrol. (It works equally well with diesel.)

The second component is a washing machine or evaporator. Simply prevents unwanted steamEntering the carburetor.

The third component is the electrical control system. It 'very easy and cheap to do. You hook your electrolyzer for rider safety and the reasons for all other cables.

What are the advantages of HHO?

You save a bundle of money on gas, has demonstrated. Is it really the money through IRS rebates, this is a fact. Some insurance companies offer the best premiums, little known, but it's true. Performance in terms ofDrastically improve acceleration and torque, which is known. The engine life will be extended up to 80%, yet to be proved conclusively, but it seems. Traction is increased.

He grew up, and I bet you want the sale of iPods, unless HHO systems within five years.

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Mar 10

Washer will not start, what should I check?

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Seizure:
If the disc does not start, occurs in all cycles. If it still does not start, check the wall outlet for 120 volt ac.If the tension is good, then the problem must be in a washing machine. If the voltage is not good, check out a fuse or circuit breaker triggered by the electric field, or it could be a problem of socket itself.

If the problem is bigger than just a blown fuse or circuit enabled, please call to ensure a license for it, Electriciansthem.

The timer push and pull switch:
The timer push / pull switch inside the timer, this option is the main switch in washing machine. If this option does not exclude that, if it is, the disc goes start.You, you must check your wiring diagram to see the contacts for the timer check.If push / pull is broken, replace the entire timer assembly.

The line:
The line is the connection of electricity in the house. If one of the wires or terminalsare defective in the cable, the cable will not do to be able to connect job.Loose damage output terminal of the cable connector and the reason why the washer will not start.

Engine
The engine is the heart of the washing machine. The engine should start easily and run smooth out. If the motor hums, buzzing, or have difficulty starting, it's a good chance that they will overheat and stop working in mid cycle.

Repairs in a washing machine are easy to makeIf both you and the idea of which parts should be checked. Moreover, it helps to know how the parts make sure they are good or bad before replacing it.

By replacing the parts with the method could be expensive and guess frustrating.There many websites that offer very good information on how to make repairs, if you want to do it alone.

If you need to call a mechanic, ask questions and request a quote on repair. How do you know when you need to be fixed or. Replace

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Mar 09

HHO Car Conversion – select the best guide, how to Build a Hydrogen Fuel Cell

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As you know, thousands of people have learned to build a hydrogen fuel cell and the unit is installed, also known as HHO conversion kit car, the bonnet of the car. Why? Because they know that water is a hybrid car will significantly reduce the cost of gas. You want to HHO also benefit from this technology, right?

Have the expression "run your car on water", and is likely to shout "I heard Scams!" Well, you're right! Run your car on water is misleading, becauseYour car is not easy to perform in water alone. However, you can run your car on a mixture of water and gas.

HHO car conversion kit is basically the following:

1. Quart-size or a glass container

2. Electric cables

3. Suction tube and ensure

4. Sodium bicarbonate

These materials and other supplies needed can be easily found at your local hardware store. HHO gas conversion mortgage vehicles are for sale, if you are online and choose the right one, wecome with detailed instructions on how to build a hydrogen fuel cell for the effect. They have better fuel economy and some travel in a good restaurant!

With the increasing number of available conversion kit HHO car, it is not surprising to hear cases in which people who have converted their cars to an end with results that you prefer much more to be desired. One very important thing to do when you learn to build a hydrogen fuel cell is to start with the manual itself. ModelsHydrogen fuel cells ranging from a manual to another, and thus the amount of their capacity. Select a guide that you like best to achieve effective results. The last thing you need is a guide, which gives you a headache than the increase in gas prices!

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Mar 08

George Bush Just Lit The Fuse For Nuclear WW III

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The 85 year old black hatted black coated long white bearded Jewish born Rabbi and Messiah of Christianity and Islam shouted out from the cross, “The truth shall set you free!” The occupying rooster hatted Roman Soldier shouted back, “I’d like to thank the brave men and women of the Roman Empire Armed Forces and their families for the immense sacrifices they have made. God Bless Rome.”

It’s getting so that you can’t even start a new war in the Middle East anymore. This week while 2 of George Bush’s puppets General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker were feeding baloney sandwiches to the U.S. House and Senate Israel bombed Syria. Syria turned the other cheek.

It’s getting so that being the President of the United States like George Bush is like being an SEO Professional. You get your puppets to go to the Capitol and spam the keywords “Iran Nukes Bad”, “Syria Nukes Bad”, “North Korea Nukes Bad”, “Al Qaeda Nukes Bad”. In the middle of all of this keyword spamming in the American Congress Israel bombs Syria. George Bush’s speech tomorrow night was supposed to be about the beginning of all out war in the Middle East between Saudi Arabia and their puppet George Bush against Syria and Iran, all of the Middle East oil goes to the winner.

The elder George Bush sits on the board of the House of Saud. His Chairman is Saudi King Abdullah. The Saudi Bin Laden family financed the oil company of George W. Bush. President Bush joked last week that he was looking forward to his retirement making speeches as if we didn’t know that Saudi King Abdullah has already paid the Bushes billions of Euros into Swiss bank accounts in the name Decider Jr. Investments Ltd. A guy is entitled to make a living and support his daughters. King Abdullah is paying both George Bushes to conquer all of the Middle East oil for him. Then he will buy china with the proceeds. His wives love Waterford.

The reason that the United States sent 30,000 more troops to Iraq was to conquer the Middle East oil fields this week with weapons of mass destruction but Syria didn’t take the bait. The leak is that Israel bombed a munitions dump in Northern Syria because it contained Iranian and get this, North Korean weapons which were then being handed off to Hezbollah, Hamas, and the insurgents in Iraq to kill American soldiers. What do you have to do to provoke a war in the Middle East with the Mahdi Army and Syria playing possum? The Ayatollahs are not idiots. They have time on their side and they are breathing in the nuclear fumes of two American carrier groups parked outside their bedroom windows.

George Bush has virtually handed Iraq to Iran if he leaves now. It’s all or nothing now for Junior. Either he goes down in history as America’s worst President ever or he shape shifts overnight into Winston Churchill by conquering Iran, Iraq and Syria for the United States of America. The Democrats aren’t blocking the funding for the Iraq War because they’re too busy playing “They got you in, we’ll get you out” with the American voters.

Today Tony Snow, another George Bush puppet auditoned for Saturday Night Live. Tony Snow said, “Victory is defined as helping the Iraqis develop the capability of defending themselves and governing themselves.” Pontius Pilate said the same thing to the Emperor Tiberius but he had a problem with his timing and delivery so he didn’t make it. Ambassador Ryan Crocker also auditioned for Saturday Night Live. He said, “I see encouraging signs on the diplomatic level. The Saudis are preparing to reopen their embassy in Baghdad for the first time since 2003.” They are opening a branch office.

On a lighter note, Ramadan and Rosh Hashanah began tonight. The Muslim people will be fasting from dawn till dusk for a month, and eating and smoking from water pipes all night for a month, like the Jewish coeds at Brigham Young University. George Bush is poised to tell America and the world that he is going to take the advice of his puppet General David Petraeus and bring home the 30,000 troops he just sent over next summer so that the American people see the troops coming home during the Presidential debates and vote Republican.

He also wants to give the appearance of wanting to end the war before going for the jugular. If all goes according to Saudi King Abdullah’s plan, by next summer Barbara and Jenna Bush will be suntanning at the George Bush Palace Hotel and Casino in a Tehran mysteriously devoid of any Shiites, something about smallpox.

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